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FML
Feb 21, 2009 18:00:12 GMT -5
Post by Raven on Feb 21, 2009 18:00:12 GMT -5
FML = Fuck my life and is used to describe sucky life situations www.fmylife.com/topSome samples from the site: Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
Today, I found out that I am being sued for losing a set of wedding photos that I took. I lost them by being mugged on the way home after the shoot and £10,000 worth of equipment was stolen from me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML
Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
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FML
Feb 21, 2009 18:41:59 GMT -5
Post by elle on Feb 21, 2009 18:41:59 GMT -5
wow ... that shit sucks
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FML
Feb 21, 2009 18:58:12 GMT -5
Post by ailishsmom on Feb 21, 2009 18:58:12 GMT -5
Just goes to show, "It's always something" - Roseanne Roseannadanna
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FML
Feb 22, 2009 3:17:30 GMT -5
Post by MsKay on Feb 22, 2009 3:17:30 GMT -5
LMAO.. Like I know I shouldn't laugh.. but hell some of those are hilarious...hiliariously fucked up that is
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FML
Feb 22, 2009 14:14:34 GMT -5
Post by Raven on Feb 22, 2009 14:14:34 GMT -5
^I agree. I laughed out loud at some. You guys gotta browse the site and post the good ones. Admit it. We're evil and laugh at other people's strife. I'm sure they aren't all real anyway. ;D
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FML
Feb 22, 2009 19:23:22 GMT -5
Post by Raven on Feb 22, 2009 19:23:22 GMT -5
Some ones I wanted to share: Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML.
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML
Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML Today, was the first time I saw a man's sex organs in real life. I was in anatomy dissection class and had to pull the cadaver's testicles out of his scrotum. FML Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML
Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML
Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML
Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML
Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML
Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML OMG- rude! Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML
Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML
Today, my co-worker came out to me that he's an active "Furry". Meaning, he likes to wear a Bobcat costume and bang other men who are wearing Husky costumes. I am never bringing my dog into work again. FML
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 10:08:13 GMT -5
Post by miki on Feb 23, 2009 10:08:13 GMT -5
OMG~those are funny but that last one is just WRONG!! LMAO!
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 10:17:54 GMT -5
Post by Raven on Feb 23, 2009 10:17:54 GMT -5
I know. Not just wrong, but SICK and wrong!
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 12:16:40 GMT -5
Post by elle on Feb 23, 2009 12:16:40 GMT -5
but it's sad when someone confuses beastiality and someone being a furry ... totally not the same thing ... not even related ... the person's coworker gets off on stuffed animals or people dressed up as stuffed animals ... not real animals. geesh ... ignorance is sad.
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 14:55:27 GMT -5
Post by nat on Feb 23, 2009 14:55:27 GMT -5
omg...LOL....but those are just horrible!
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 19:26:11 GMT -5
Post by elle on Feb 23, 2009 19:26:11 GMT -5
Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came to for questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 20:31:59 GMT -5
Post by nat on Feb 23, 2009 20:31:59 GMT -5
omg...omg...omg... LMFAO! This stuff is just EVIL?! BOOSTER CHAIR? O.M.G
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FML
Feb 23, 2009 20:40:59 GMT -5
Post by nat on Feb 23, 2009 20:40:59 GMT -5
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to hook up with the girl I really like. She was naked, and as she was taking my pants off, she looked at my penis and said, "oh, I just remembered I have to babysit my little sister today." FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML
Today, my boyfriend's sister called me to wish me congratulations and ask me when I was due. I said I wasn't prenant to which she replied "Yes you are, my brother just told us the good news". Long pause. "Oh wait is this Mary or Morgan?" I'm Morgan. Who's Mary? FML
Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, I took my friend to buy a pregancy test. She took it and it came out negative. I decided to re-pee on it to be funny...it turned to positive. FML
Wow....just....Wow....
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