Post by Raven on Apr 25, 2008 14:56:47 GMT -5
This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
___________________________________________________
Women for the CIA
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of
the background checks, interviews and testing there
were three finalists, two men and one woman.
For the final test, a CIA agent took one of the men to
a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know
that you will follow your instructions, no matter what
the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your
wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man exclaimed, "You can't be serious. I could
never shoot my wife!"
The agent responded, "Then you are not the right man
for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He
took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man
came out with tears in his eyes and said, "I tried,
but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally it was the woman's turn. She was instructed
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into
the room. Shots were heard, one after another, and
screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. Then, all
was quiet. The door opened slowly. There stood the
woman. As she wiped sweat from her brow she said, "The
gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
___________________________________________________
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
___________________________________________________
Women for the CIA
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of
the background checks, interviews and testing there
were three finalists, two men and one woman.
For the final test, a CIA agent took one of the men to
a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know
that you will follow your instructions, no matter what
the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your
wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man exclaimed, "You can't be serious. I could
never shoot my wife!"
The agent responded, "Then you are not the right man
for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He
took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man
came out with tears in his eyes and said, "I tried,
but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally it was the woman's turn. She was instructed
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into
the room. Shots were heard, one after another, and
screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. Then, all
was quiet. The door opened slowly. There stood the
woman. As she wiped sweat from her brow she said, "The
gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
___________________________________________________