R&R?

[Eryk Klarvindstot]

I have been on this board now for alittle while and have noticed that we have more than one writer here. I was hoping I might be able to get some help from you all.. I have a story in my head and it's really bugging me to get out there, so I sat down and wrote a rough draft of the first chapter, it's only like 8 pgs right now, but i've posted it on a site ( www.fanfiction.net/s/4228668/1/ ) to try and get some feedback on it to see what I need to improve on(i'm sure there is alot) and what seems ok so.. IF any of you wanta help me out on this I would be in your debt if you could write a review on it, thank you all for your time.

[Raven]

FYI- Vicki is legally not allowed to do so. I assume that would be the case for any other published authors.

I'll check it out for you though!

Before I do, I gotta warn you, I'm an anal grammar nerd and I will notice and point out spelling errors if that's cool with you. You game?

How cool are you with constructive criticism?

[Vicki Pettersson]

Raven's right -- I've been advised not to look for legal purposes, and tbh, I can't possibly look at all the work I've been asked to crit and still get my own done.
But.
Crit groups are invaluable.

Raven, we could start a 'for writers' section, where people who are so inclined can find one another, right? I can't look at work, but I'd be happy to pop in now and then for technical questions.

In lieu of there, I have no problem mentioning two other active and wonderful crit groups. The Compuserve Books and Writers' forum is where I hung for about a decade, and I still have friends from there who crit my stuff (there's a link on my website's link page) and Kelley Armstrong has a message board with a very active writers' community. The added bonus here is that everyone there is dialed in to the fantasy genre. I participated a bit over there too, and they're also awfully smart. So while we might not have a large enough community here yet, those are two really great options.

What do you think, Eryk?

[Raven]

That was really nice of you Vicki!

Sounds like a few good places to start.

[Eryk Klarvindstot]

That would be great Raven, TY very much, and i'm game for constructive criticism, that's how we learn and grow... well most of us anyway and thanks alot Vicki for the info, i'll check those out tonight when i get home from work

[Raven]

Okay, I started reading and anal grammar nerd ran into a few spelling errors.
I'll show you, so you can fix them if you feel so inclined. (Since you asked)

Gorath cought up to Natara as she walked back to her mount.

caught

His long bright red beard swaying slightly with the wagon as it went, his hair of the same color hung lose about his shoulders.

loose

She wasn’t bad per say, she just did it because she was good at it and her parents were too busy with her brother.

per se

Of all his friends Ruvalon thought that Delgos would be the first one to leave, weather on some quest for his Goddess or to find his human father.

whether

Pulling slightly on the rains to slow and stop his horse, he locked the wheels and stood up in the seat to get a better look at what was just beyond the road.

reins

The three remaining men looked at the dwarf and slowly moved in to circle him, the other two drawing a swords much like their leaders

The wording is off or mis-punctuated here.

I've gotta say, the story is good, but your grammar needs work.
Sometimes, misused punctuation makes it difficult to understand.
You also want to start a new paragraph each time a new character speaks.
Keep it up though!

[Eryk Klarvindstot]

*s* thanks Raven, that's helps alot.

[Raven]

Good, I'm glad.
I wish you success. I really do.
You've got the talent and the drive to get there!

[lvlocalgirl]

I'm one of those Eryk. I'm just getting started with Gotham City Writers as well. I'll play though and go read your latest.

[Eryk Klarvindstot]

Thanks lvlocalgirl, that would mean alot, i'm not with any kind of writers group, so your more than likely more advanced than I am but I am trying to get there, it's just having the time to set aside and work on it that's killing me right now, full time job and then family leaves little time for anything else.